Observations

Cutting Some Slack on the Paddy’s Day Cross-Town

Well St. Patrick’s Day in New York this year might have been more of a zoo then normal today since this city is full to the brim with more than its fair share of stress. And who can blame folks for wanting to wipe it all away for a few hours or for a full day with some hooch when jobs are hard to come by and bills are stacking up. Revelry is a break from fear and the mundane. We all need the luck o’ the Irish right now, that’s for sure. But maybe more than luck we need to give each other the benefit of the doubt and cut each other a bit of slack.

On the cross-town bus today we had a heck of a detour due to the Parade. The bus was crowed and when I sat down, I noticed across from me this man’s bag accidentally knock into a ladies leg as he sat down next to her. She scowled at him and he seemed to apologize but she kept scowling and I kept trying to figure out what she was so mad at him for. In between her scowls she was working furiously on her blackberry. Her whole body posture and face, all of her being was stressing over whatever it was she was reading and responding to. I kept glancing at the man to see what it was that he was doing to cause her to keep looking up at him and give him the evil eye, but I couldn’t figure it out. Then it hit me. He was learning disabled. And I thought my goodness she took what happened with this guy personally and meanwhile the guy wasn’t intending any harm – he is just not aware. I thought gosh – how easy it is to presume someone is being rude to us when maybe they’re just oblivious. And then I started to get angry at her for being so hard on this simpleton.

This guy had no idea and yet she was making his actions “mean” to her that she was being dismissed in some way, disrespected even. And I thought my goodness that is the last thing this guy intends; he just doesn’t have a clue.

A few stops later he got off and as riders do we looked at each other and I said quietly, I think he was learning disabled. And she snapped back, “Yea, but did you smell his breath?! I just said no I didn’t and tried to smile at her.

Okay so here we have a guy learning disabled who has had a few too many. But I betcha, if she wasn’t in the stress of her situation on her blackberry, she probably wouldn’t have been that angry. If she could have seen his face, a sort of innocent wide-eyed look I imagine Lenny had from Of Mice & Men, she would have cut him some slack, whether drunk or not.

But her situation kept her from doing so. And that happens sometimes. Sometimes we are just too caught up in our own stuff to cut slack to those around us. Especially if we are in a bad place, we start seeing bad around us.
So I thought well how about I cut HER some slack. She is clearly having a hard day herself, and she just had to deal with her leg getting knocked with a bag and then smell a distillery on a stranger’s breath.

That’s when I realized my getting mad at her was just like her getting mad at him. She didn’t mean it, just like he didn’t mean it. And so I thought this is where I can do something to stop the pattern. Just give her a break.

What if the next time someone doesn’t hold the door for you – you imagine they just had their girlfriend break up with them. Or when someone jumps in front of you to sit down on the last subway seat you imagine that maybe they are so exhausted because they’re working three jobs to make ends meet. Or the guy who hits you with his bag has no idea that it even happened. Or the lady who is giving dirty looks is getting reamed at virtually by her boss.

Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt, and maybe when we need it ourselves we’ll find it. (#13 of 100 postings in 100 days.)

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Superpowers

“The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.” ~Meryl Streep

I went with some new friends to see Slum Dog Millionaire. I love this film. Let me tell you that right from the get-go! And I needed to leave for a good chunk of it. I have had a really hard time, as far back as I can remember, being with violence or cruelty either in movies or books, not to mention in person! Here’s why: I’m empathic. What the heck does that mean you ask? Webster’s Dictionary says that empathic means “of or showing empathy.” For me it means to feel things as though I myself am going through it. In spite of knowing that I’m watching a movie, reading a book, or hearing someone speak about their experience, I experience their pain as if it were my own. Sometimes it’s a literal physical experience for me. At times it’s so deep and powerful that it can be a little scary.

There is a great quote from the movie Bandit’s where two main characters commiserate over how so many things affect them and one says to the other, “I think it’s better to feel too much, then to feel too little.” I loved hearing that because I have, for most of my life, felt a bit like a freak feeling all these things so strongly. I was fortunate that night at Slum Dog Millionaire, that my new friends were open-minded and accepting of me and what happened. They inquired kindly about it after we met up in the lobby afterward. They didn’t make me feel bad – in fact one of them actually said, “You know what? I think that’s your superpower.”

I agree. It is my superpower AND with all superpowers one needs to learn how to harness and manage them properly. There are some fine tuned directions about how to navigate this gift and not be knocked about by it. The best teacher I’ve had in this department, not to mention a slew of other departments, is my coach, mentor, friend and “Guru on a mountain-top” Julie Cramer. Julie has been invaluable to me for so many of my healings and breakthroughs. She has been my North Star for much of my journey. She has taught me how to “surf” this gift -among others.

Her skills go beyond teaching. Yes, she instructs on how to handle the unique aspects that the gifts we have require but she also “sees” you in a way you have never been seen before. She is nothing short of miraculous.

I have had the opportunity to experience coaching from some of the best coaches available and what I have experienced with Julie is beyond my ability to adequately express. She is gifted with wisdom and empathy unlike I’ve ever encountered.

Please join me in welcoming her to her first event in NYC on Saturday, January 17. Julie’s talk will begin at 10 AM at the Meta Center, with one-on-one readings following. I invite you to come and learn how to manage your gifts and superpowers. You will be moved and inspired. More details about it below.

Keep in mind that there are many other superpowers. Remember how many Super Heroes there are! Each with his/her own special talent.

If this doesn’t sound like yours then allow yourself to sit still and sink into the quiet of your soul. I betcha you’ll have it surface if you pose yourself the question.

Let it rise up this New Year. Allow it to surface so it may save you and the rest of us.

Here’s to a Divine 09 for us all!

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Four Steps to Help You Escape Your Matrix

Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with the entire world. –Joseph Campbell

On March 15, I had a paradigm shift. It was so profound for me that I kept think afterward that this is what it must have felt like for the character Neo in the movie The Matrix when he finally had his eyes opened.

Every area of my life has now shifted, most profoundly with how I am in relationship to my family. A truth that was there all along, that I’d been blind to, suddenly became crystal clear! All in the BLINK of an eye!

How did it happen? It happened in the pause of a conversation. It happened in the quiet. I heard something so loud in the silence that I suddenly understood something I’d missed all along.

There are no words that can express what having this shift has brought to my life and me. It feels like a miracle. I can’t believe I could have been so blind for so long.

But as Morpheus says in the film, “Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself.”

As I related this “Instant Awakening” to a friend recently, she asked me, “How does one have a paradigm shift?”

Well, first of all, in spite of what feels like an “Instant Awakening,” I think there is a building up prior to it, a quickening under the surface. It is gestating in our unconscious days, months, or perhaps years before, preparing us for the shift. We experience it “in the blink of an eye,” but I think it might be a stewin’ & a brewin’ for some time prior.

These are the four things I think move us closer to accessing these sorts of shifts.

1. Willing to do the Hard
I’d been engaged in some challenging self-reflection since September. This required a lot of discipline to stay with it, most especially when it became emotionally painful. On many occasions, I wanted to throw in the towel. But somewhere I kept remembering James Arthur Ray’s quote about how we must be willing to do the hard.

2. Taking Responsibility
This one can be hard to wrap one’s mind around. I’ve been choosing to take responsibility for everything that shows up in my life. EVERYTHING. Mind you this doesn’t mean taking blame. Big difference. Being willing to see myself as “the cause in the matter” of what shows up in my life shifts one’s view as a victim to the master of your own fate. I truly believe that my life is my creation.

3. Third Level Listening
In my coach training, I’ve been taught how to listen, not only to what is said, but also to what is not said. Listening at Level 3 means you are really OVER THERE with the speaker and what is going on for them in all ways, with all they are expressing. Being fully present to them means getting out of your own head and taking the focus off what you’ll say in response. This takes a lot of practice.

4. Being not Doing
I’m a doer. Being has always been a challenge for me. In prayer, meditation, and/or stillness, I get jumpy! My biz mentor actually suggested I being to practice Anusara Yoga. He said it would help me learn how to be. I thought, “No, no, no, I’m paying you to teach me what I can DO, not tell me I need to learn how to BE!” And yet, this very practice has now spilled over in how I show up in every area of my life. Beingness is undervalued. Believe me, once you start being, doors glide open before you without any effort. In this recent practice of being I am learning that the old adage is true: “Sometimes, it takes great effort to realize that life was meant to be effortless.”

I consider these four to be the linchpins of my shift. You might find other variables are necessary for you to have yours. I do believe that these four will help you welcome in any others that are waiting in your wings to reveal themselves. So as the movie goes, red or blue, it’s up to you.

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